Tag Archives: compulsive

In which I am a mess.

I am all over the place these days. J came back from hospital but has to go back in again on Monday. Still no joy getting rid of his abscess. He will stay for a while I think. My OCD … Continue reading

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Words

I was awake much of last night, thinking, crying, anxious, frightened almost. I wrote in my diary and listened to music that can sometimes settle me but last night, nothing. It was a bad night. Dark thoughts, wanting to just … Continue reading

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Refuge

I am feeling everything and anything today. So many intrusive thoughts, so much anxiety, so much painful loss. Trying very, very hard to keep going with the CBT tools.  Trying so very hard to maintain a sense of reality and … Continue reading

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And Now There’s Ruby.

Counselling is going very well. I’m slowly but surely battering the OCD into submission. I have a few new tics and oddities to rein in but I’m coping. I have strategies. I have confidence. It’s very hard work, I have … Continue reading

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Therapy. Again.

It’s been a rough few days. Raging paranoia, anxiety, panic, sadness, mania, all flooding through me, as bad as it has been for a long time. I’ve been practising compassion-focussed therapy and it is such hard work to get to … Continue reading

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Who I am.

I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m tired and can’t sleep. I’m frightened of so many things that I don’t know where to start to deal with them. I’m losing my hair. I’m forgetting to eat. I’m drinking too much. I’m obsessive. … Continue reading

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Breakthrough

Yesterday was CBT session 2. I Had some time to myself in the morning to think myself ready, coz it’s HARD WORK, and I trundled off to see my counsellor, who I will call Lucy, and got ready to spill … Continue reading

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Still feeling better

I had a wobble yesterday, where I felt really shitty and miserable but by this morning that has cleared off and I feel ok again. I did my CBT homework. That has helped more than I thought it would. It … Continue reading

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So, Therapy, pt 3

I started my CBT today. It was fantastic, like I hoped it would be. That single hour has galvanised me, reinforced me, reassured me. I feel almost real again, and hopeful. I think I will be able to find the … Continue reading

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So, Therapy, pt 2

The GP referral was fast. I had my  IAPT assessment this morning. I met an amazing woman who I will call Jill, who listened to my shit for 50 minutes and then gets to go away and sort out what … Continue reading

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