Therapy. Again.

It’s been a rough few days. Raging paranoia, anxiety, panic, sadness, mania, all flooding through me, as bad as it has been for a long time. I’ve been practising compassion-focussed therapy and it is such hard work to get to that state of mind when everything is racing and frantic and distressing. I have instructions from Lucy for tackling my OCD this week and even thinking about following the instructions causes misery and panic. But! I have done well. I have been able to do what she asked so far. I sat through the panic and did what I need to do. It’s going to be a very long time before this starts to feel okay but I am absolutely determined to do it. I will not live with these behaviours and this crippling anxiety any more. It’s got to be worth this temporary increase in symptoms to reduce them in the long term. I am placing my faith in the CBT, the compassionate mind stuff, Lucy, and me. I can do this. I have done it before, I can do it again. The difference this time must be that I carry on after the therapy has finished. I have to build up the skills and keep them sharp. It’s been a miserable few days, but underneath, if I really dig down, I am very happy. Things are changing.

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About pippa

40-something, yogi, gardener, reader and writer. Not great at any of those things but more than happy to be average. I'm anxious, depressed, chaotic, boring, delighted, excited and often foolish. It's all good. And cake.
This entry was posted in anxiety, counting, Fear, mental health, obsessive compulsive and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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