Who I am.

I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m tired and can’t sleep. I’m frightened of so many things that I don’t know where to start to deal with them. I’m losing my hair. I’m forgetting to eat. I’m drinking too much. I’m obsessive. I’m compulsive. I hate my body. I hate my face. I feel worthless and stupid and cold and unloveable.

But.

I’m kind. I’m gentle. I’m loving and generous and defiant. I am forgiving. I am unbeaten. I am compassionate and willing and resilient. In spite of everything I am happy to be Pippa. Whoever she is.

(h/t Cassandrarei, who made me think. and made me feel better. Thank you.)

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About pippa

40-something, yogi, gardener, reader and writer. Not great at any of those things but more than happy to be average. I'm anxious, depressed, chaotic, boring, delighted, excited and often foolish. It's all good. And cake.
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5 Responses to Who I am.

  1. tlohuis says:

    I think Pippa sounds like an awesome person. I struggle with most of those things you listed. It’s all good! Amen šŸ™‚

  2. You said, “Iā€™m kind. Iā€™m gentle. Iā€™m loving and generous and defiant. I am forgiving. I am unbeaten. I am compassionate and willing and resilient. ”

    Those are traits that you seem to give to others, but not to yourself. I too use words to describe who I think I am, but they are traits that I do not fully encompass. Why do we lie to ourselves? That is a tough question that I am in no way qualified to answer. I do know that our deficiencies as people seem like a big deal when they are not. I look at people who have real problems like cancer, AIDS, cerebral palsy. Those are people who have more than enough reason to complain. This isn’t saying that your problems are not important. You are entitled to think negative things about yourself, but what’s the purpose? Do the complaints in any way make your life better? What are you doing to fix your shortcomings?
    Those are two questions I ask myself every time I’m being negative. I have clean water, a house, a few friends, and I have very little to worry about on a day to day basis. I feel that it would be selfish to expect anything more out of life than those things.

    It is easy to be negative because it takes no effort. Positivity takes effort, both mental and physical effort. I believe you have more than enough inside of you to take on your challenges and destroy them!

    • pippa says:

      Thank you for your comment. I do take time every day to be thankful and mindful about what I have in my life. It sometimes helps! Not always. I am seeing a therapist, I am working on the negative self-talk and finding ways to cope with the panic and OCD that sometimes overwhelms me. I think that’s the best any of us can do, just try and cope. It’s wonderful to have people talking about this stuff, sharing help and kindness and support. I’m grateful for that. Thank you.

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