I had a wobble yesterday, where I felt really shitty and miserable but by this morning that has cleared off and I feel ok again. I did my CBT homework. That has helped more than I thought it would. It forces me to evaluate the misery and look for the root of it, then move through it. It also makes me concentrate on my anxious, obsessive behaviours and interrupt the vicious circle. Yesterday I was counting my hair and pulling and poking at my head and crying and seeing baldness and flinching and all the usual stuff, I was frantic and sobbing. Today I broke the pattern and everything just suddenly stopped, I calmed down quite quickly and felt in control for a bit, which is marvellous. I am so hopeful for this therapy. I feel like it’s a real lifeline. If nothing else at the moment it is a focus, something to do when I feel manic or catastrophically low. The switches between these two states are fast and there is little middle ground. The homework pulls me into that middle ground and gives me a bit of time to assess and adjust my head. Which all sounds like crap really, but honest to God it’s working. Three days in and it’s working. I’ll take that. I’m happy.
- "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold." - Helen Keller
- "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin
- "Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty and wisdom will come to you that way." - Christopher Hitchens