I think one of the hardest things to deal with is the complete lack of consideration that he has for me. I have given up almost everything to take care of him and I get nothing, nothing at all back. No thought, no thanks, no niceness, no kindness, just nothing but the assumption that I will be around to do what needs to be done. Which of course I am. He is utterly selfish and has no concept of the impact of any of this on me or others. I sometimes feel like turning and running away and on those days I don’t know what keeps me here. Living with this is very hard. I have to make my peace with it. If I snap at him everyone jumps to his defence: He’s ill! He’s stressed! He doesn’t mean it! But I have to live with this day in and day out and it’s exhausting. It’s soul-destroying. We drove to Birmingham yesterday and he didn’t speak to me once in the two hours that it took to get there. And he didn’t speak to me again on the way home. I determined that I would not try and make him speak to me; it feels humiliating and weak to push for some kind of interaction. I put my music on and danced my way home in record time. And then I slept for a long time. Sleep is refuge.
- "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold." - Helen Keller
- "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin
- "Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty and wisdom will come to you that way." - Christopher Hitchens