We can have a transplant. He is on the list from today. Which brings all kinds of new scary into the mix. I am the contact person and can now never have my phone on silent or turned off. I can’t be more than 20 minutes away from him at any time, and we can’t ever be more than 3 hours from Birmingham. My already frazzled nerves just ignited and burst into flame. It will be okay. He is very poorly and needs a new liver and a chance at new life. I can be here and hold him up through that. After our 28 years together I can do this last shitty bit with good grace and humour and I can grasp his hand and protect him fiercely while we get to the end of this road.
If I’m really honest, I have never felt so alone in all my life. Oddly, this makes me feel powerful, because I absolutely trust myself for the first time ever; even though I’m scared witless, I really do know I can do this.