Foolish. Again.

I am anxious and unhappy and I’m losing my hair and I can’t sleep except I can sleep but all fucking day and I can’t eat and I feel sick and lonely and sad all the time and the only thing I can do is try and keep going. But I don’t know how to do it. And I so want to be happy again. I just want to laugh like I used to do and not be this drained, miserable, staggering, whining woman. I have to do something now. The next few months are going to be hard, whether Jeff gets a transplant or not, it’s going to be so scary and very difficult, and I have to be able to focus on getting all of my family through what’s coming. And I foolishly thought I had something just for myself, something that would lift me up and push me forward. I see now that I was probably very mistaken and actually I have nothing and right at this minute that is heartbreaking. I have to understand that for now, there is nothing that is just for me. And once I’ve fully accepted that, I think I can do what I have to do.


About pippa

40-something, yogi, gardener, reader and writer. Not great at any of those things but more than happy to be average. I'm anxious, depressed, chaotic, boring, delighted, excited and often foolish. It's all good. And cake.
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