What am I afraid of? What is it that I think will happen if I don’t do as I’m told, or don’t do what I’ve always done? I’m afraid of the same things that I was always frightened of and I know that I’m supposed to feel like that. That’s how other people stay in control. They gently nudge and prod at my big, horrible memories of being little and in trouble and they encourage and nurture my anxiety that the violence is always there and they let me know that it can always come back. Well, actually it can’t. I can’t be spat at or belittled or threatened or humiliated or hit or bitten, even one more time. You can not do these things to me any more. I am bigger. I am a grown up. I know that I can choose not to be scared now and if I ever need to I can fight back. I can also cut people out of my life when they make me feel scared and small and ugly like I felt when I was little. I am making these huge, powerful choices this year. I am refusing to be scared of you. I am cutting you off. I am choosing to have a happy life, and your poison and violence and misery are not going to be part of that.
Turns up volume. Does a little dance. Moves on.